THRIVEtoday President Chris Coursey shares another example story about a time he navigated what could have been debilitating fear while snorkeling off the coast of Hawaii. Four-plus (4+) stories are one of the best ways to transmit relational skills to the people we love. These interactive stories keep our brain working together while also demonstrating how to relationally navigate painful emotions.
Thanks for this helpful story, Chris!
Thank you so much, I want to ask one thing. When I do 4+ stories I found joy easily with small things, but when I lose the relationship, I shout and cannot control my anger. Then leave in shame and feel guilty and depressed and don’t want to train 4+ stories.
How can I do it better???
You are very welcome Kim!
Thank you for your question Sarang. What you describe is a difficult and painful moment where you feel loss (what we call attachment pain) which makes the relational part of the brain shut down. Here is where the big reactions follow. Rather than focus on telling four-plus stories, I suggest you first hear and listen to these training stories from friends and community members who have some practice returning to joy. As you gain helpful examples you can then practice keeping your relational circuits on, practice quieting and then begin to practice stories. Here is where building joy and practicing some of the capacity-building skills will go a long way. Joining a small group where people are purposefully practicing relational skills would go a long way, as would attending True Identity. My friend Amy and I just finished writing Relational Skills In The Bible, which would be useful for your friends to practice with you. May Immanuel direct your every step; I am glad you are on this journey my friend!