Things in our house are going MUCH more smoothly than 9 weeks ago when my sons’ school closed, we started home-learning, and we began adjusting to all 4 of us staying home ALL of the time. Each week has become a bit easier. Some of the shock has worn off, and we are finding our rhythm.
So I keep asking myself these questions: “Why am I still having such a hard time? Shouldn’t I be used to this by now since each week feels a little easier than the last?”
The other day my tears caught me off guard. I was driving my boys to the “no contact” pick-up event at their school where they were able to regain unused items from the school year. I started crying. I have not driven this route in 8 weeks! Suddenly, everything we have been missing flew back and hit me.
No more school. No prep weeks leading up to summer break (the ones I count on so I can be ready to engage the kids at home, caught up on my work and ready to enjoy the sunshine with them). In all likelihood, no summer camps to help them run off energy this summer, see friends, and socialize. No family members I can drop them off with for a few hours to run errands because they are all “high risk” and isolating.
I have lost nearly my entire support system I heavily relied on in order to balance being Mom, Wife, Homemaker and Executive Director of a ministry (one which trains in skills that are needed now more than ever). On top of everything, I don’t know when I will be able to hug a girlfriend, have a “girls’ night-out,” or pour my heart out to a friend over a cup of coffee. Even my emotional support system is crippled.
As I look back at these words on the page, it is no wonder I am still feeling the heaviness of grief, and despite adjusting to the strangeness of this season, still struggling.
Are you, like me, beating yourself up for having a hard time in these circumstances? We both need to give ourselves a big dose of grace. This is hard. REALLY HARD! As I have sought the Lord for His peace, He frequently validates how hard this is and reminds me that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I need to find ways to take care of myself if I am going to make it for the long haul.
I am so thankful for the skills that we have been practicing as a family for years because I honestly don’t know where I would be without them (probably curled up in a ball in my closet in an attempt to hide from everyone).
If you haven’t seen our daily skill practice videos, I would encourage you to check them out on Youtube or Facebook . They can give you a little boost to help you get through your day as this drags on.
I am also excited to announce my friend Lieza Bates and I are offering an event for Mamas like you to help you in these hard times. Check out Encouragement for Maxed out Moms to sign up for the online event.
