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Relational Skills?

These are the skills that make relationships work!

It is a fair question: “What are relational skills?”
They are the skills that change our lives and transform our relationships with God and others.
Relational skills are a set of abilities that help us coordinate our lives, gain understanding, recognize values, adjust our attitudes, and motivate our actions rightly as it relates to what is going on in the hearts and minds of those around us. More than simple rules of engagement or maps to the world of people, relational skills let us know at a glance far more than we can usually put into words more about what is going on inside someone else.
Relational skills help us know when to keep quiet, and when to speak up. These skills provide empathy that prevents us all from acting like sociopaths. Relational skills make us feel loved, special, understood, adequately corrected, and recover when something goes wrong.
People with relational skills seem to “get it” while those who do not “don’t seem to have a clue.”
Ultimately, relational skills are about the accuracy of perception. The best relational capabilities allow us to see and treat others the way God sees and treats us.
We have identified 19 skills that make relationships work. Read the overview below and for a full explanation, read this resource.


An Overview of the 19 Skills

Share Joy

Joy is shared when we use facial expressions and our vocal tones to amplify, “We are glad to be together!”

Soothe Myself

Quieting (shalom) after joyful and upsetting emotions promotes a rhythm of joy and rest in relationships.

Form Bonds for Two

Creating a mutual state of mind that brings us closer while letting us move independently, as well.

Create Appreciation

Appreciation creates belonging, changes stress to contentment, and builds a healthy mind.

Form Family Bonds

Family bonds help us share joy built by the people we love and provide freedom to grow and explore.

Identify Heart Values

Caring deeply can mean hurting deeply, but our deepest hurts hide our greatest treasures.

Tell Synchronized Stories

When our stories are carefully crafted, our minds work together for better relationships.

Identifying Maturity Levels

Recognizing where we are, what we missed, and where we are going, provides a roadmap to maturity.

Take a Breather

Build trust by reading non-verbal cues and purposefully take short pauses to avoid overwhelm.

Tell Non-Verbal Stories

The non-verbal parts of our stories can cross cultures, bridge generations, and strengthen relationships.

Return to Joy

Learning to quiet the distress of negative emotions to keep our brain relationally engaged.

Act Like Myself

Living relationally and responding gracefully, as we navigate pain, fatigue, misunderstanding, and more.

See What God Sees

Seeing people and events from God’s perspective yields a life of hope and direction.

Stop the Sark

False “Godsight” may seem accurate to us at that moment, but it leads to accusations, legalism, and self-justification.

Quiet Interactively

Skilled reading of facial cues allows us to operate at high energy levels and manage our drive without hurting anyone.

Recognize Responses Styles

Knowing if people are at their best with activity or solitude brings out the best in our interactions.

Identify Attachment Styles

An insecure relational style creates emotional distance in relationships and must be replaced by a secure style.

Intervene Where the Brain is Stuck

We must know the signs of a brain in distress to help to find the solution and get it unstuck.

Recover from Complex Emotions

Using your brain skills in harmony to handle combinations of the big six emotions.

Get the skills to make relationships work!


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